classic work days

Customer comes in asking for a book by "Grievous Phinn".
Customer comes in and asks where they can buy first edition Harry Potter.
Customer comes in and asks 'how much is the 3 for 2?'
Customer comes in and stands in the humour section reading jokes out loud to himself and laughing raucously.
Customer comes in and asks about a book for which they do not have the title or author but it's something about a dog.
Customer comes in and asks if we have a list of all the new books.
Customer comes in and asks where the Da Vinci code is. (This is funny on so many levels)
Customer comes in and asks if I'm looking on the shelves for the book he wrote. It's a fictional work yet I'm in the crime section. Oh the irony. You'd think he would know it was a work of fiction. And incidentally no I'm not looking for your book. Why should I when the front cover looks like it's been photocopied and the writing makes me look back with respectful nostalgia to Peter and Jane books.
Customer faffing at chip and pin machine forces me to comment that if they struggle reading highlighted words in bold writing on a lit screen in front of them, how do they imagine they will complete a whole book.
Customer incapable of inserting card into chip and pin machine has me wondering if I should recommend they go to the Early Learning Centre and buy a shape sorter to take home for practice.